a person craves for a kind of love that only she can provide, because it is she who set up the perfection of love in her mind.
no one would ever understand. no one would ever love her the way she wants.
so at the end, she is alone.
awaiting for nothing.
that’s not the most aching part. the part that she knows she is waiting for no one, that she knows she can only love but not be loved in a way she dreams of, is the worst part.
she knows she is loved, but not in a way she craves for. and the anxiety for this certain kind of love makes her blame herself, because she has always been a lucky kid. and the more she blames herself, the more she wants that certain love to rescue her.
and there is no one to rescue. and she knows.
and then there are some who
believe that old
relationships can be
revived and made new
if you feel that way
a boy that i care a lot. a boy that i think i would love. but nothing happened.
fate. destiny. timing. whenever i think about it, i become so pissed off at what fate does. even if we live in every moment, cherish all bits and pieces, we still miss out something.
if it wasn’t that guy, i probably would’ve developed something with this boy. but that guy “happened”, and so i remain as a good friend with the boy.
that night the boy came up to me, with redden face and a bottle of beer in hand. he said “so you’re leaving soon.” and i just nodded. there weren’t many words exchanged in our conversations yet it was like we communicated through staring at each other’s eyes. and we both gave a bittersweet grin. and he sang,
愛上了 看見你 如何不懂謙卑 去講心中理想
不會俗氣 猶如看得見晨曦 才能歡天喜地
抱著你 我每次 回來多少驚喜 也許一生太短
陪著你 情感有若行李 仍然沉重待我整理
天氣不似如期 但要走 總要飛
給我體貼入微 但你手 如明日便要遠離
i sang along. i like his singing, i always have. when he sang this song, the memories of me requesting songs from him popped up, and all those calls… and stares…
i know i don’t love him. i know it’s nothing like that. but i also know that we could’ve been like that.
somehow i’ve been drowning in this emotion resulting from the fact that i know there’s a high possibility of me not seeing him again anymore after graduation. and of course how this leads me to knowing all these more than 100 of people i know in university, are just people who have existed in the 3 years of my life.
after graduation, everyone is a stranger.